>>> >>>HOW TO BE ANNOYING >>>================== >>> >>>Drum on every available surface. >>> >>>Sing the Batman theme incessantly. >>> >>>Staple papers in the middle of the page. >>> >>>Ask 800 operators for dates. >>> >>>Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings. >>> >>>Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks. >>> >>>Hide dairy products in inaccessible places. >>> >>>Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page. >>> >>>Specify that your drive-through order is "to go". >>> >>>Set alarms for random times. >>> >>>Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public >>>consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..." >>> >>>Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor >>>off. >>> >>>Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon. >>> >>>Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving. >>> >>>Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the >>>volume properly adjusted. >>> >>>Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise. >>> >>>Honk and wave to strangers. >>> >>>Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange. >>> >>>Change channels five minutes before the end of every show. >>> >>>Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of >>>rental movies. >>> >>>Wear your pants backwards. >>> >>>Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their >>>complementary mints by the cash register. >>> >>>Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!" >>> >>>Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal >>>Machine Music". >>> >>>Leave someones printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode. >>> >>>ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE. >>> >>>only type in lowercase. >>> >>>dont use any punctuation either >>> >>>Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole >>>streets. >>> >>>Pay for your dinner with pennies. >>> >>>Tie jingle bells to all your clothes. >>> >>>Repeat everything someone says, as a question. >>> >>>Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's >>>roadmaps. >>> >>>Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assasination/UFO/ >>>OJ Simpson conspiracy theories. >>> >>>Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that? " >>>"What?" >>>"Never mind, it's gone now." >>> >>>Light road flares on a birthday cake. >>> >>>Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley. >>> >>>Leave tips in Bolivian currency. >>> >>>Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador". >>> >>>Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. >>> >>>At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks. >>> >>>When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until >>>physically restrained. >>> >>>Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One". >>> >>>As much as possible, skip rather than walk. >>> >>>Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read. >>> >>>Finish the 99 bottles of beer song. >>> >>>Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles. >>> >>>Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it. >>> >>>Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of >>>your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", >>>and repeat. >>> >>>Drive half a block. >>> >>>Name your dog "Dog". >>> >>>Inform others that they exist only in your imagination. >>> >>>Ask people what gender they are. >>> >>>Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think." >>> >>>Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts >>>back in the tray. >>> >>>Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern >>>Drawl. >>> >>>Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a >>>"real hoot". >>> >>>Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that >>>you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes". >>> >>>Sculpt your hedges into anatomically suggestive shapes. >>> >>>Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch >>>with a can of Lysol. >>> >>>Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' >>>brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr >>>Rogers theme song. >>> >>>While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a >>>parakeet. >>> >>>Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day. >>> >>>Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. >>> >>>Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September. >>> >>>Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being >>>first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that >>>people pronounce each A. >>> >>>Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see >>>if they slow down. >>> >>>Chew on pens that you've borrowed. >>> >>>Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people >>>play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. >>> >>>Wear a LOT of cologne. >>> >>>Ask to "interface" with someone. >>> >>>Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is >>>necessary because of your "superior mental processing". >>> >>>Sing along at the opera. >>> >>>Mow your lawn with scissors. >>> >>>At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING- batter!" >>> >>>Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with >>>prophesy". >>> >>>Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend". >>> >>>Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. >>> >>>Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers >>>in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles". >>> >>>Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't >>>cricket." >>> >>>Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture". >>> >>>Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times. >>> >>>Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims. >>> >>>Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing >>>awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any >>>moment. >>> >>>Never make eye contact. >>> >>>Never break eye contact. >>> >>>Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your >>>ears. >>> >>>Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn. >>> >>>Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, >>>announcing the results. >>> >>>Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal >>>Howard Cossell voice. >>> >>>Holler random numbers while someone is counting. >>> >>>Make appointments for the 31st of September. >>> >>>Invite lots of people to other people's parties. >>> >