Excuses, Excuses - from Richard Lederer's "Anguished English"
ISBN 0-941711-04-8

ù My son is under the doctor's care and should not take PE today.
     Please execute him.
ù Please excues Mary for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
ù Dear School: Please eckuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30,
     31, 32, and also 33.
ù Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
ù Please excuse Roland from PE for a few days. Yesterday he fell out
     of a tree and misplaced his hip.
ù John is absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
ù Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He
     was hurt in the growing part.
ù Mary could not come to school beacuse she has been bothered by
     very close veins.
ù Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
ù Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
ù Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diahre
     (crossed out) dyrea (crossed out) direathe (crossed out)
     the shits.
ù Please excuse Tom from being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea
     and his boots leak.
ù Irving was absent this morning because he missed his bust.
ù Please excuse Jimmy for being. It wasn't his father's fault.
ù I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping
     because I don't know what size she wear.
ù Please excuse Harriet for missing school yesterday. We forgot to
     get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it
     Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
ù Please excuse my son's tardiness. I forgot to wake him and I did
     not find him till I started making the beds.
ù My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She
     spent the weekend with the Marine's.
ù Please excuse Fred for being absent. He had a cold and could
     not breed well.
ù Please excuse Mary from being absent yesterday. She was in bed
     with gramps.
ù Gloria was absent yesterday as she was haing a gangover.
ù Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
ù Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore
     throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick,
     fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and
     ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and
     fever. There must be the flu going around school, her father
     even got hot last night.

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