School report bloopers - from Richard Lederer's "Anguished English"
ISBN 0-941711-04-8

ù Having one wife is called monotony.
ù Each thanksgiving it is a tradition in my family to shoot peasants.
ù A virgin forest is a place where the hand of man has never set foot.
ù Although the patient had never been fatally ill before, he woke up
     dead.
ù I expected to enjoy the film, but that was before I saw it.
ù Arabs wear turbines on their heads.
ù When there are no fresh vegetables, you can always get canned.
ù It is bad manners to break your bread and roll in your soup.
ù The problem with intersexual swimming is that the boys often outstrip
     the girls.
ù Running is a unique experience, and I thank god for exposing me to
     the track team.
ù A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene
     triangle.
ù The dog ran across the lawn, emitting whelps all the way.
ù A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
ù We had a longer holiday than usual this year because the school was
     closed for altercations.
ù The bowels are a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes w and y.
ù A passive verb is when the subject is the sufferer, as in "I am loved."
ù In Great Expectations, Miss Havisham puts herself into conclusion.
ù The first scene I would like to analize occurs in Heart of Darkness.
ù At the start of The Grapes of Wrath, Oklahoma has been hit by a dust
     bowl.
ù At the end of The Awakening, Edna thinks only of herself. Her suicide
     is selfish because she leaves all who care about her behind.
ù In The Glass Menagerie, Laura's leg keeps coming between her and other
     people.
ù The death of Francis Macomber was a turning point in his life.
ù The Gorgons had long snakes in their hair. They looked like women,
     only more horrible.
ù Zwingli's followers all smashed their organs.
ù Zanzibar is noted for its monkeys. The British governor lives there.
ù The Puritans thought every event significant because it was a massage
     from God.
ù The divine wind protected Japan by sinking the fleet of invading
     Mongrels.
ù During the years 1933-38, there were domestic problems at home as well
     as abroad.
ù The President of the United States, in having foreign affairs, has to
     have consent of the Senate.
ù The difference between a king and a president is that a king is the
     son of his father, but a president isn't.
ù To collect sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
ù H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
ù Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.
ù A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
ù The human is more intelligent than the beast because the human brain
     has more convulsions.
ù Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to help the cow
     and not the bull.
ù To be a good nurse, you must be absolutely sterile.
ù When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.
ù Many women believe that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects on
     an unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception.
ù Rural life is lived mostly in the country.
ù Heredity means that if your grandfather didn't have any children,
     then your father probably wouldn't have any, and neither would you,
     probably.
ù Last year, many lives were caused by accidents.
ù Abstinence is a good thing if practiced in moderation.
ù The amount of education you have determines your loot in life.
ù Necessity is the mother of convention.
ù Adolescence is the stage between puberty and adultery.

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