Boy, what can I say about Tom, besides, I haven't met him. But from what I gathered from his webpage, this is an educated guess of mine as to what his life was and will be like.
Tom was born to a family of storks in a cabbage patch. The storks then dropped him off to a Mr. Santa Claus, where he grew to be a man, working in the workshop. He was kicked out of the North pole once he invented the Furby (tm).Tom grew up later in the highlands of Scotland, fighting the evil villian Binarious with his magical heat vision. he romped through the fields wearing only a kilt and pink bunny slippers. It's hard to tell about his next 200 years of life, as the details are spotty, but we have found that at one point he was the king of England, an Eskimo, and the princess of Monaco. After the Civil War, Tom was caught in a time loop. And then, after the Civil War, Tom was caught in a time loop. Later, Tom got caught in a time loop, after the Civil War. And finally, around the Civil War, Tom got caught in a time loop.
Tom invented the computer. Every time he has and idea, a light bulb appears above his head, supplying GE (tm) with their entire light bulb production in 1985. After that product venture, he went into the field of researching why a duck's quack does not echo. This is where I met him. I was frolicking in a pond one day when he grabbed me by my bill and forced me to quack at gun point. This was the best time of my life. Tom is currently residing in Nova Scotia where he owns a fish processing plant that grosses over $25 million per annum.
- Chris "Frodo" Furniss (frodo@alloymail.com)